But what the whole argument centers on is this: does the state think I’m married?

And why the hell would anyone care what the State of California thinks about the way you or anyone want(s) to describe your relationship with someone else? If I get married, the state’s opinion on the matter would be completely irrelevant to me and, I hope, my wife. I find it insulting that the state feels they have any business recognizing or not recognizing marriages — who gave them *that* power? Which, honestly, is why I think both sides are idiots: the pro-gay marriage lobby for caring about what the state recognizes and the anti-gay marriage lobby for, well, caring what the state recognizes.

I mean, let’s think about this in practical day-to-day terms. I’m at a party (daily occurrence) and I’m talking to this dude and then a girl walks up and stands next to him and the guy says, “Hey, this is my wife!” and so I say, “I’d like to see some government-issued paperwork to support your claim.”

Or, in a less-progressive state…

Guy: “Meet my husband.”
Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t legally call him that here.”
Guy: “What are you doing?”
Me (dialing): “Just keep standing right there. The cops will be here for you shortly.”

That’s probably not how that would play out.

I understand that the anti-gay marriage side feels like this is an affront to family values — but only inasmuch as they care what the state thinks. Otherwise said, it can only be an affront inasmuch as a person believes that the state actually legislates morality and can then force you to agree. And when you see a gay married couple together, does that really seem “the same” to you as marriage in the more traditional sense? Do you think that the state recognizing two lesbians as wife-and-wife is going to make it impossible for you to differentiate between a straight marriage and a gay one?

And from the other side — how does the state’s opinion affect whether you’re committed enough to another person to be married to each other? If it’s not state-sanctioned, does that *really* make you more likely to walk on your partner? If you make promises, sign contracts, exchange rings, eat cake, get tanked, the whole nine yards — do you *really* care what faceless bureaucrats think about it? Does their opinion undo what you’ve done?

The argument about “that’s not the way God wants it” likewise doesn’t hold much water for me. If God doesn’t think gay marriage is right, then He’s probably not going to recognize it no matter what the state says. Unless heaven falls within the jurisdiction of the 9th Circuit Court, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.

Anyway. As far as I can tell, the functional difference between “marriage” and a standardized contract between two private parties is… eh. Well, there are some legal things. But those legal crap-points are completely separate from this one. I should be able to designate that someone be allowed to visit me in the hospital whether that person is recognized by the state as my spouse or not. If I own a private adoption agency, I should be allowed to choose the people with whom I work regardless of what the state thinks. And I don’t think state-run, state-sponsored schools should, like, exist, so whether state recognition affects curriculum should be a non-issue. I mean, *should*. But those, being the most pertinent arguments for and against gay marriage that I’ve heard, have nothing to do with gay marriage itself and everything to do with, just, making good laws (and not making stupid ones).

And they seem like such minor points within the grand scheme of life — I don’t quite get why anyone should care much.

I dunno. I guess we brilliant humans just need inane, asinine stuff to argue about all the time. If we didn’t have that, we might have to consider things that actually matter. Or, more frightening yet, maybe we’d have to give up making noise for its own sake and instead let people get on with their lives.

bkd